The Hard Topic

I feel like this topic has come up multiple times this last week and so I thought I should address it. That topic is death. We had a burial today and I know that feelings can be raw. I remember not that long ago one of my high school buddies past away. We were having a conversation about how to help those left behind. The first thing to note is that everyone handles grief differently. Some shut down. Some pour themselves into work or keep busy. Some need to be around people while others need to be alone. The first thing that I notice is that after a funeral, most people go back to their normal days. Unfortunately, the family is often unable to do that immediately. We shouldn’t force ourselves on anyone, but it is good to be available or check in from time to time to see how things are going. I think that most people get really uncomfortable talking about the death of one who is terminal. My experience is that most people that are dying don’t have a problem talking about death... after all that is their reality now. We can ask how they are doing?... if there are any things that they need to say or accomplish before dying?... and most importantly, if they have a living faith in Jesus? If there is ever a time to talk about faith, it is then. After the funeral, when everyone else goes back to normal, the family may feel isolated. It seems like everyone is walking on eggshells because they don’t know how to talk with that person. Then someone innocently starts talking about their father or mother and awkwardly apologize to the one who lost their father or mother. It gets uncomfortable because everyone is afraid of saying the wrong thing. Again, my experience has been that those that experienced the loss are ok with talking about that person. It keeps the memory alive and lets those grieving know that they meant something to us. It is ok for them to cry. Don’t go in with an agenda or a plan on what you are going to do or how you should act. Be real and in the moment. Be with the one grieving. If you happen to think of a memory of that person, maybe send a text and say, “I was just thinking about them and how they used to ...”. Invite them to join in activities so they can get back into life again. Don’t force. And pray. Father, there are so many people that have lost loved ones and are grieving. Help us to listen, support, and just be there for them. Amen