Losing Control

This morning, I got up and barely took 40 steps when my left knee just collapsed on me. Fortunately, I had a pair of crutches that I had used from a previous knee injury. Unfortunately, I was unable to safely navigate to said crutches. Thankfully my wife was home and was able to grab them for me. I didn’t jump, twist, sidestep, or any such thing. It just went out from underneath me. I was grateful for the table near me that I was able to grab to keep from going all the way down to the floor. I went to the doctor, got some x-rays taken. They found nothing. Now I have to wait for an appointment with a specialist to figure out what is really wrong. It is a little terrifying to think that at any moment my feet might give out under me. What if it was on the stairs? What if it was in the middle of the worship service? What if it was...? It is hard enough to imagine my body won’t do what it did in my 20's, but to realize there is so much I have no control over. What am I to do? I can pursue what the medical field can do. I can try getting exercise and therapy to strengthen those muscles. Most importantly, I can pray. If God knew me before I was born, He knows exactly what I am going through now. It is a time to come before Him in prayer, admitting that I don’t have control over everything in my life... if any. It is a time to ask for healing. More to the point, a time to seek God’s direction, and purpose for me. There are things I can do... like exercising more, eating right, losing some (a lot) of weight, and trying to stay as active as I can. It is too easy to give up and accept defeat. If it is God’s will that I don’t find the healing, then I, and my wife, especially need His strength to meet the days ahead. If, however, there is more that He wants me to do that require greater mobility and ability, then I trust that He will make that clear to me as well. I’m not giving up. I am going to fight to get back full mobility. I also know that God puts people in different circumstances to give them an opportunity to minister to those we might otherwise not notice or have opportunity to meet. I am, however, noticing that my knee is better than it was. Thanks be to God. Father, If it is Your will, heal me from all that holds me back. Help me to use what I have to serve and honor You. Amen